Drained....

9 questions. 22 paragraphs. 5 hours

until the breakdown... wayyyy kuwawa

detached....

sometimes we detach ourselves.... but NOW'S the time to reattach to our emotions.

don't deny.

talk is cheap....

Due to the increasing rapid rate of text messages, aim, and comments... talk is Dead and has resulted in a number of awkward moments, brain farts, and speech disorders.

Sweet Talking, real deal arguing, and deep conversations has turned into text winks, updated status fights, and bonding over blogs.

Be real and have the courage to speak. Pick up the phone and dial. ; )

Interstate 10 - exit Arlington Ave.

Passing the Arlington exit on the I10 made my heart drop. 

best friends for 8 years. and now, i dont even know the guy.

.... all over one girl.

i pray that it was worth it.

<3

Beg me for Mercy

ii <3 Hip Hop

"It makes me feel so small and irrelevant, it takes the edge off the sting of everyday"

The Decision to Decide.

"People take the phrase I Don't Give a Fuck to a whole other level"

Breakfast with the boys...

"If you think about it.... we went to the Philippines and back in one day"
Kev. D.J. Chris. Mon. Derrek .... <3.
Breakfast: Spicy Vinegar. Oil with a side of Tocino. Bangus. Rice. Egg. and a Smooth. yum.

get it right . =>

The Reconquest of Cool

"Thus began a two-step dance of authentic cool and fake, commercialized cool. As Thomas Frank explains in his 1997 book, The Conquest of Cool, bit by bit cool “became central to the way capitalism understood itself and explained itself to the public.” In one of the most stunning cultural coups d’état ever, ad agency gurus figured out “how to construct cultural machines that transform alienation and despair into consent.”

Forget about treating the symptoms. Forget about the hedgemaze of identity politics. Break away from the glorious equality and social justice battles of the past. Instead, liberate yourself from the capitalist mindfuck. Learn to live without dead time. Start generating authentic cool from the bottom up again. The rest will follow." (adbusters)

the plastics

It's one thing to lie in front of friends.... it's another thing to lie about yourself in front of yourself to your friends. Quit being ashamed of your real self and own up to what you have (even if it's not that much = / ) . It's so amazing what lengths people would go to be the center of attention. Well not as amazing as it is funny and pathetic. After highschool, begins a new life.... but I think that when people lose hope, and find themselves going nowhere, they stay where they know: comfortable in the drama of tween years. As sad as it is, I did waste 5 minutes of my life blogging about this, but it's a good way to let people know that there's more than air up there. Get a real life and shake off the plastic, because no one plays with toys anymore. If you don't think it's anyone's business, don't publish it. oh the simple things that people can't figure out!.... it just makes me giggle.

You know you love me...
xoxo Gossip Girl

grow up. own up. dont fuck up

Life isn't simple, so there's no need to make it any more complicated. Fate takes care of where we are headed, so stop detouring!

Task 1: GROW UP
Get job, get out and chill with your friends, self improve. As easy as it sounds growing up may be a teed bit hard for a toys-r-us kid. No one's going to persecute you for playing Halo or Rock Band once in a while, but stop being a mama's boy and daddy's little spoiled bitch. God gave us two legs to stand on..... so stand up already! Let's think of this in the self centered point of view: The more you mature and put the Legos down, the more control you have on yourself.... and eventually..... other people..... (and maybe the rest of the world =] ). So do yourself a favor and donate to the Charity of Homeless Jobless Dramafull Assholes of America.

Task 2: OWN UP
Shhhhiiiiiitttttt if you're gonna be a bad ass bitch or rich pimp put on a crown, get your face on a billboard, and own up to that shit. If you're gonna be bad, at least be bad ass. That's right I said it.... shout your soul out. No one said we have the obligation to make people giggle and tickle bunnies til they shit glitter, so don't feel like you need to be anyone but yourself. Because I think the worst thing to do is lie about yourself in front of yourself.... that's like just as bad as covering all your mirrors, getting an anime haircut, and taking myspace pictures in a corner with the camera tilted down to emphasize your emo haircut with one eye. Own up to who you are, you have the right to be you, because on my clock it says its about time for us to start living life proudly. Its ticking loud and it's only gonna tick for about another 60 years. Own it and shout it out.

Task 3: Don't Fuck UP !
"simply" said.... don't fuck up. We're allowed to live on the edge, almost cross the line, play with fire, but don't jump into the burning bush, swim into a shark's mouth, or sell your soul to the devil. Stop acting on impulses, adrenaline, and your hormones. Breathe and give your head a quick slap, and wake up. ITS NOT WORTH IT! We're placed in the greater Los Angeles area for a greater fate, we weren't placed here to shoot up drugs in our veins, get sent to jail, contract STDs, drop out of school, or kill ourselves. We're here to self improve while improving the world around us. As hard as it is to admit, it's not all about the high, the infatuation, the rush.... it's about us being us, not for a moment, but for our entire lives.

life inside the box... (bowerbird)

Still dreaming of 65 =>

if i could have any car.... "Mercedes is developing another super car in conjunction with McLaren. At the moment Mercedes produces the 612-bhp SL65 AMG on the one hand and the 626-bhp SLR on the other. Although there is no significant difference in performance Mercedes is developing the mini-SLR to join the current SLR at the top of its range. The mini SLR would sport a newly developed 5-litre V8 performing some 400 bhp, and due to its light-weight the mini SLR will reach top-speeds of beyond the latest SL65 and will outrun the SL65 from 0 to 100 km/h. The mini SLR would be marketed as a super car like the SLR rather than a performance roadster like the SL65. Please not the image above is just a mock up and is not official." prototype mad way back in 06'

it's about time....

This is a formal apology to my friends who should be my number one. You are the people who keep me happy, busy, and make me laugh.... I love you guys. And there shouldn't be a person, more a like a boy, to ruin my time with you. As much as I would like to work it out with him, it wont happen, at least not RIGHT NOW. And I really think that people should reconsider what really is healthy in your lives. Because they're are people put on this earth that were meant to make you happy.... It really does take a chunk of courage out of me to say that it is embarrassing to answer your phone calls, to fight with you, and make people stare. I love you to death, but NOW'S not the time. I'm here right now to have fun, to play, and to have someone else on my mind besides you. No drama, no crazy phone calls, or texts from singapore.... just me.

The Happiness Equation (nineteen minutes)

reality
_______ = HAPPINESS
expectations

"Why hadn't he realized this before? Everyone knew that if you divided reality by expectation, you got a happiness quotient. But when you inverted the equation- expectation divided by reality- you didn't get the opposite of happiness. What you got, Lewis realized, was hope. Pure logic: Assuming reality was constant, expectation had to be greater than reality to create optimism.

Lewis stepped back from the blackboard, surveying his handiwork. Someone who was happy would have little need to hope for change. But, conversely, an optimistic person was that way because he wanted to believe in something better than his reality."

I effing love this book.

messages in the sand.

message to self

• I love you, I care about you, I will always be there for you. Keep trying because"life doesn't put anything in front of you that you can't handle". Everything will change: your friends, your family, your love, your future. It's up to you if you want to spend each second guessing yourself or staying happy. But you will always be you because I am here to stay.
  

message number one

• It's funny because I was playing the same game, just last year. To tell you the truth, the fuss that me and you see probably shouldn't be stressing you out. Whatever you went through has already happened, and is far within our reach. It's history, it's past, but definitely not a time to forget. The present is what you have right now, and what you have complete control over. You know? It's fun. The chase. Probably the best part of any kind of friendship. And I had fun. I don't know you, and I'm not here with a solution, but just support. Because I really do care about others, you know the big picture. Not the little picture with just me in it. I've been homeless, broke, sad to the verge of insanity, called a bitch, a homewrecker, a shame to everyone and everything. Don't be scared because you don't know where all of this is headed, but trust yourself that you're going to lead yourself to your right place. I understand to a certain extent. More specifically, I'm here to say chasing comfort gets you nowhere if you look in more than one place. Everyone needs that person they can confide in, cuddle with, and be totally bare with their soul. And you gotta look hard. Spend honest time in one direction. "If we don't change the direction we are headed, we will end up where we are going." And if you look aimlessly you move nowhere, but in a circle. Let me be the one to tell you that everything that goes on in this little group of friends gets around. And not because they like drama but because they choose their friends to confide in rather than lovers. And I think that's something to learn from. The "realer" you are with people, the more genuine they become (and I think thats something that we all look for.) I haven't met someone as nice as you in a long time, and I got a little star struck. I thought about the situation and something wasn't right; I could see right through you, but I didn't wanna turn around and look. I'm sure there's way more to you. I just wish I didn't make things so awkward. You shouldn't have winked twice at friends. Ones the limit. But I will admit, I instigated, and I apologize. I just hope you can get back to who you were, whoever that was. But I am thankful that bc of this I have the control over myself to not fall for anyone who doesn't know me... this is why stopped going that way: because I am too thankful for all those who took the genuine time to love who I am and embrace that. Those are real people, and because I did the right thing, I hope you get the chance to be the real you too. and I look forward to meeting you later.
  

message number two:

• I need to have time to recuperate, for myself, regardless if I'm being selfish or not I need to recuperate. What you do to me isn't fair; not to me, but to us. We're not going to move if we're both afraid. And until then, I can't help but do what I always do for you, wait.
  

message number three:

• My bestfriends will always be best to me, but it's those who keep me busy away from troubles, those who keep me laughing, those who have inside jokes with me, who make my day and keep me smiling. It's so fucking fun being around you guys whether is partying and dancing our hearts out, or sitting at a kickback texting each other. I love it, what can I say. I hope that we take time once in a while to be thankful for the simple things, all the little things, that keep us together every night.
  

it wasn't about you.

it was one second

not 5 hours. 

its always fun playing games

and sometimes we shoot the black ball in and lose

but the game always ends

it wasn't about you

it was about the fun in the game.

i had fun. now we can be friends. not opponents.

just play with me.

heart - in - a - box

I feel like we leave our hearts in open boxes.
the brave ones stand proud and wear them on their sleeves
but for most they're in open boxes
they're never out in the open
never in human hands
just in an open box to show everyone that you're alive
its in a box that protects it and never lets it get hurt
but when we do decide to love someone
we hand them our hearts
we risk it getting dropped, damaged, hurt
what they do with it is up to them
but all we seem to do is watch them play with it
we trust them
but when they do decide to return it
it's damaged
but the thing about the heart is
it gets stronger every time
and always has its box.

I think i've learned to wear my heart on my sleeve.
I trust me.
I don't need a box.

the no picture post

"When there's something you really want, fish for it. Don't give up no matter how hopeless it seems. And when you've lost hope, ask yourself if you're going to wish you gave it just one more shot. Because the best things in life don't come free."

One Wholesome Breakfast July 14,2008

my great recuperating breakfast:

1. apple

2. water

3. pepto

4. amoxicillin

5. motrin

mmmm.....yummy in my tummy

yo, real talk, im scared....





..... of a lot of things (kuwawa face)

Froggies & RedRum

choot por da stars ! (the guy next to me at a bball game)

let music take you away.

it's my life and it's got my name on it, baby.

disclaimer: the panda bear's random. really random. thanx fran.
com·pli·ca·tion [kom-pli-key-shuhn]
noun.
1. something that introduces, usually unexpectedly, some difficulty, problem, change, etc.
... wouldn't this just be life in general? I'd like to think that things come about in my life out of my control, placing no blame on me. But I can't help to think that my life is a series of events that were a result of one action, one second, one word, or one moment that happened a long long time ago. Like do you hurt and hate guys now because that one kid in grade school took your sandwich, or do you get butterflies easily because peek-a-boo and surprises were your favorite when you were little...I just dont understand how I can smile so big at a text message.... If anyone decides to read this I apologize in advance for all the scattered thoughts. I usually prefer direction, but this was an impulse post..... Id like to believe in spontaneous romance, natural disasters, and short encounters with important people in your life, but I feel like were all here because we want to be in the positions were in right now. There aren't people in our lives that were put on this earth to make us feel bad, and there aren't people that miraculously click with, we bring about our lives and create what we want to feel (drama, laughter, love)regardless of what our fairytale vision is. I mean, right now, I like it, I like that i'm okay with what I created.

keeping touch.

"look at the moon b/c i will too"

-brett freeland

and for a moment you can hardly breathe.

i've been dreamin' with a broken heart... wake me up and hand me the scotch tape.

Nineteen Minutes- Jodi Picoult

"Whether or not you believe in Fate comes down to one thing: who you blame when something goes wrong. Do you think it's your fault- that if you'd tried better, or worked harder, it wouldn't have happened? Or do you just chalk it up to circumstances?

I know people who'll hear about the people who died, and will say it was God's will. I know people who'll say it was bad luck. And then there's my personal favorite: They were just in the wrong place at the wrong time." (from a crazy good book: Nineteen Minutes"

"If we don't change the direction we are headed,
we will end up where we are going." -Chinese Proverb

Well since I don't feel like blah'ing about this new awesome book I picked up, I'll just nag about something else, just like everyone else does in their blogs: People shouldn't sulk, sulking is a made up word to excuse people to make themselves feel bad. When something bad happens we grieve, which appropriately should last for a day, a week max. After that no matter how bad the situation is, life goes on, regardless if you want it too or not.

I really didn't want this post to be emo, the quote just made me wonder: Are most people dissatisfied with their lives because they set themselves up, or does America just dream too much.

there are nice people in L.A.

So today I decided to do the Hollywood thing: be a health freak, jog two miles, grab the latest new york times bestselling fiction, have a protein smoothie with all the veggies you need, and run into a bunch of conceded anorexic bitches in their designer shades, shoes, and bags. Before I left to run the streets of Hollywood I anticipated to see about 40 immigrant perverts, 30 crazy bums, 20 teen perves from the fox hills mall, 20 hype beasts, 10 possible psycho killers and rapists, and about 500 road raged/rude pedestrian los angeles usuals walking and driving along la brea, hollywood blvd., vine st, and highland ave. I was ready to keep my pace up to avoid all of these hollywoodians and run pass them as I stay in my own zone. I went a block on Willoughby Ave. and as I was warming up I couldn't help but notice someone on a bike looking over to catch my attention, I was expecting a "hey baby, I'd like a piece of that ass", but surprisingly, I got a sweet, "hey, hope you have a nice day". I looked back in estrangement and smirked to myself. As my trip went on I continued to run as fast as my asthma let me, and then another two guys gave me the most genuine and sentimental "hello (I have no interest in imagining  you naked at the moment)". So at that point, I decided to walk. I loved it....it was actually the most calming and enjoyable walk I've had in a long time. And to change my perspective: there ARE nice people in LA. Don't be afraid, take a walk.

or maybe it was the spandex.